This morning, the Heartwork devotional told me that God loves me, and that I have found a new identity in him by being adopted. It had me make three lists: How I see myself, how others see me, and how God sees me. It also had me watch this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsDQEb-qlyM
I hadn't realized before how much my perception of myself is based on other peoples' opinions. Now that I think about it, though, I see that in the day-to-day interactions with people I am constantly performing. I'm always trying to earn a good word, or some other recognition. It's not because I don't get recognized, but because I'm not satisfied with what I have. I think this is because I'm looking for recognition from the wrong source.
When I made the lists, I labeled them as What I think, What others say, and What God says. But when the lists were complete, I changed the names to People/Self-based, Performance-based, and God-based. It started to sink in that God doesn't see who I try to be, he doesn't see the same person I see. I think I'll include the lists.
What I think:
- Proud
- Needy
- Naive
- Good-ish
- Wise
- Responsible
- Patient
- Smart
- Sweet
- Worried/Anxious
- Delicate (too easily broken)
- Child of God
- Loved
- Saved by grace
- Christian
- Cowardly
- Cheerful
What others say (based on real comments):
- Sweet
- Kind
- Awesome
- Flawless/Perfect
- Considerate
- Patient
- Responsible
- Smart
- Cute
- Pretty
- Shy
What God says:
- New
- Loved
- Wanted
- Beautiful
- Unique
- A Masterpiece
- Pursued
- Powerful
- Courageous
- Set apart
- Holy
- Obedient
- Wise beyond my years
- Confident
- Trustworthy
- Faithful
- Princess
- Joyful
I realized that other people see what I want them to see (performance-based perspective), then they tell me what they see, and I believe it. I see all the flaws, imperfections, and mistakes (that I make). But that isn't what God sees in me. God sees the person that I am in Christ. He really does. He sees the person that I could be if there was no sin in me. It's a really hard feeling to explain, like most of my revelations this past week.
In the list of God's perspective you probably noticed that I put trustworthy in bold. That ties into this revelation (and helped bring it home) that God sees the new me. I'm going to put this next statement all by itself to make sure you notice it.
God puts trust in people
It's easy to understand us putting trust in him, because we know that he is infinitely trustworthy. But humans are not. Humans cannot be trusted. Humans can't keep themselves on the straight and narrow; they are bound to fail in some way. But God trusts them anyway. It's mind-blowing. This is the very definition of free will. Our parent's don't trust us with free will until we are older, but God trusts us with free will from birth. When we're little, our parents remind us to do our chores, they don't leave us alone in the house, they correct us when we're impolite or if we mess up. Then, when we're older, they stop. They let us face the consequences of our own actions. They let us make our own choices. But that isn't what God does. He never controls us, even though he has the power to do so. Seriously, he could make us physically incapable of making the wrong choice. Want that piece of candy you found on the ground? Sorry, you can't bend down to pick it up. Not happening.
God lets us face the consequences. But he also enables us to make good choices. He gave us wisdom.
That was a little sidebar. Back to finding identity. I really don't have any more to say on the matter, but this topic reminded me of a few songs.
Namely:
Beautiful for Me by Nichole Nordeman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=orc4TuIO56s
Drops in the Ocean by Hawk Nelson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZH13wFGffg
And, Identity, which I wrote a few years ago. I have yet to put music to it, but it has lyrics and a melody. Obviously, I don't have a good way to post the melody, but I'll wrap up my post with the lyrics:
V1
Sometimes I feel like a flower from the hills
Like I don't stand out next to all of these peers
What is the purpose that drives me on?
I feel like a bird that can't find my song
Chorus
So show me my identity
Show me the jewel you make of me
Bring in my crown
So I can turn around
and lay it down at your feet
Show me how you love me
Show me what you see in me
I wanna live my life
Reflecting the light
That comes from your great beauty
Show me my
Identity
V2
Sometimes I feel like sand on the shore
Like I'm just one grain among so many more
What is the vision that sets me apart?
I feel like a runner with no place to start
Chorus
Bridge
God, I feel lost here
Don't know where to turn
He says, "Child there's no need to fear
I'll make your steps firm
For I know my plans for you
I'll never leave
Don't doubt the beauty of the princess I see!"
Ending Chorus
He showed me my identity
He showed me the jewel he makes of me
He brought in my crown
And I turned around
and layed it down at his feet
He showed me how he loves me
He showed me what he sees in me
Now I'll live my life
Reflecting the light
That comes from his great beauty
He showed me my
Identity
Identity
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